Throughout my whole life, I have always been chasing the next thing: college admission, an internship, a new job. This drive, combined with a tendency to hyperfocus, has helped me achieve a lot. In short, when I decide I want something, I do everything I can to achieve it.
But what happens when I’m unable to achieve my goal despite my best efforts? I spent the last two years working toward a promotion in my previous company. I worked a lot and performed extremely well, but the opportunities I needed did not materialize. I’m sure it wasn’t malice from my manager or the leadership, and I’m sure I was already performing at the next level. It was just bad luck in a system that is often unfair. But knowing this does not make me feel less frustrated or stop me from wondering what I should have done differently.
My tendency to hyperfocus worked against me in this situation. I was so determined to achieve the promotion that I did not realize I wasn’t happy there. The realization only came to me when I admitted to myself that the promotion was not going to happen. I think that even if it had happened as I wanted, I would have had a “what now?” moment. Moving jobs did not fix my career frustration either; my move was lateral, so I’m left with this feeling of being undervalued.
I don’t know what comes next. I was so focused on the future that I feel like I don’t properly enjoy the present. I believe I should try to live more in the present, but this is a balance that I need to learn. That being said, I still think that I should work on the goal of being promoted: I know I’m capable of performing at the next level and it is something that I want. I should, however, engage with it in a healthier manner. This cannot be my only focus, and I should be more proactive to ensure I get the opportunities I need. In the end, the main learning I should have is to not condition my happiness on factors outside my control. The career should come as part of my happiness, not be my only goal.